I splashed one drop on a pizza and the moment it touched my mouth I got hiccups which lasted the rest of the night.
If you're crazy enough to try it, don't say you haven't been warned.
Thursday, 23 May 2013
Warning
I splashed one drop on a pizza and the moment it touched my mouth I got hiccups which lasted the rest of the night.
If you're crazy enough to try it, don't say you haven't been warned.
Universal Credits. Arts Armageddon.
No one would deny that the welfare system is complicated. Layers added by Gordon Brown's strategy kept the low paid from poverty but added unworkable levels of bureaucracy.
That bureaucracy is the very excuse the current Government can use to phase them out again as part of Osborne's massive line in the sand.
"Universal Credit will help claimants and their families to become more independent and will simplify the benefits system by bringing together a range of working-age benefits into a single payment." say the department of Work and Pensions.
However if you're a creative, forget your independence. Under the new scheme you will be expected to show that your 'creative business' provides regular income, or you can forget about Tax Credits. If you don't manage to earn minimum wage for a 35 hour week, then you don't get working tax credit that month. On the months you do earn the minimum, then you get it.
So creatives, who forge our national identity and make our nation famous, will be short-tracked into workfare schemes after a month or two of bad figures. Expect to see our emerging painters, poets and actors stacking shelves in Tesco without getting paid for it. Way to attack one of the only industries to perform well in a recession.
 |
| playground of our future artists |
Actors, thanks to decades of work by our union Equity, have retained a unique tax bracket when it comes to National Insurance. Because we are employed by others when we work, we pay class 1 at source. This is also under threat. National insurance is a big one. Paying class 4 & 2, coupled with the abolition of my tax credits is going to be quite frankly impossible for people like me.
The problem at the heart of this of course is that there is an ideology at the heart of the whole legislation that simply doesn't value the Arts as a contributor to the democratic process. Cultural conservatism has never been kind to theatre in my view, but I'm sure Andrew Lloyd Webber would disagree.
The only way to prevent our craft becoming a playground of the wealthy is through further action, further legislation, and further good work by our union. But make no mistake, Universal credits is an attack on our way of life.
As someone who has managed to sustain an acting career despite living below the official poverty line for 17 years, it is becoming clear that there is a very real chance that this legislation may force me out of the profession. Which is what they want of course. I am being redefined as the undeserving poor, a shirker, despite having not collected job seekers allowance for about six years.
Tax Credits was Gordon Brown's 'stealth welfare'. He thought big business would love it because it enabled them to pay people a pittance. He was wrong. As the UK looks to emulate Brazil and India there's no place for the comfortably poor.
See you in the fuevelas.
Sunday, 11 November 2012
Introducing: Parcel Of Rogues
As part of my Masters in Journalism we were asked to produce a podcast. Here is mine, a satire on Scottish politics. It includes an interview with ex MSP Colin Fox. If enough people like it I'll do more, it was certainly a lot of fun.
Download this episode (right click and save)
Download this episode (right click and save)
Saturday, 5 May 2012
Intimacy non-negotiable
There is a level of intimacy you only get with a toddler. When else in your life are you congratulated on the toilet for every plop? "Well done!" Artemis told me this morning, throwing her arms around me as I attempted a morning poo. "I'm so proud of you!"
Faecal intimacy isn't that uncommon, actually. It's surprising how quickly changing a nappy can become routine in the early months. Temi used to whisper 'Cheeses' to me as I opened the nappy up tentatively dreading the sight of the contents. She wasn't running a commentary, but misunderstanding my regular exclamation.
Ask any responsible dog owner what it's like to pick up the wrong deposit in the park and they'll gag at the thought of the surprising cold. It isn't the same, you see, if it isn't your dog.
My good dear friend Lynn knows about intimacy. She co-founded the Centre for Research on Families and Relationships at Edinburgh University and wrote a book called "Intimacy: Personal Relationships in Modern Societies". I'm mentioned in the dedication. I'm pretty sure there's no mention of poo in the book, but it is a brilliant deconstruction of modern perceptions of relationships. Parenting, she discovers, is as much about admitting necessary parent power over their child through domestic arrangements and social skills and arrangements, as it is about 'disclosing intimacy'. If anything, the book reveals that true intimacy is born out of necessity and negotiation rather than some kind of higher search for a 'pure relationship'.
Ask any responsible dog owner what it's like to pick up the wrong deposit in the park and they'll gag at the thought of the surprising cold. It isn't the same, you see, if it isn't your dog.
My good dear friend Lynn knows about intimacy. She co-founded the Centre for Research on Families and Relationships at Edinburgh University and wrote a book called "Intimacy: Personal Relationships in Modern Societies". I'm mentioned in the dedication. I'm pretty sure there's no mention of poo in the book, but it is a brilliant deconstruction of modern perceptions of relationships. Parenting, she discovers, is as much about admitting necessary parent power over their child through domestic arrangements and social skills and arrangements, as it is about 'disclosing intimacy'. If anything, the book reveals that true intimacy is born out of necessity and negotiation rather than some kind of higher search for a 'pure relationship'.
I've never been one for academia, but Lynn should know all about such things. After all, she endured the hardest part of parenting: "negotiating a child's transition to independent adult", when she put up with my errant teenage years. She emptied the sick bucket after my first night of alcohol, she engaged in those difficult conversations about sex. Lynn did this without any obvious necessity, stepping in after the death of my mother. As far as I'm concerned she deserves her Professor's chair for this as much as any Ph.D or scholarly works.
Of course, these days Lynn is 'Granny Lynn', whether she likes it or not, and I hope Temi can grow up knowing that relationships and intimacy aren't about sticking to the rules of the nuclear family, but about how we rely on community and kin to overcome whatever stands in our way. What better teacher could she have?
Lynn is 60 today. I could congratulate her on a visit to the toilet, but somehow it doesn't seem appropriate. She'll have to make do with a toddler shouting down the phone to her. Happy Birthday Lynn.
Friday, 6 April 2012
Foodies: Less Than Classy.
How this generation of Tories are betraying Thatcher.
Walking round Tesco today I was aghast at the cheek of their pricing policy. Stuff that is going out of date today is priced, in the reduced section, at more than they cost full price at the beginning of the year. Their time has come: The supermarkets killed local businesses by undercutting them, and now they can charge what they want.
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| £1.49 at the end of 2011 |
We watch financial reports on the TV that talk of inflation figures and 'Growth' but it all becomes increasingly irrelevant when all around us the cost of living is skyrocketing. Even retail industrialists admit that disposable incomes are plummeting, with petrol, electricity and gas prices the highest they've ever been, and incomes and pensions falling.
Margaret Thatcher's vision of a shareholders' society, where everyone would supposedly have had a right of acquiring private property and participate in its profit seems a distant dream now. The key to the success of such a dream is that by buying your council house and putting a flatscreen TV in it you too can feel middle class. People moved from Mellow Birds to the Cafetiere. The triumph of materialism not only keeps folks feeling prosperous but keeps the economy growing. New Labour carried the same torch, using the stealth welfare concept of tax credits and incentive based spending. Forget the Cafetiere, spend four quid to get a barista to do it.
"In the next ten years we will have to continue to make changes which will make the whole of this country a genuinely classless society." said John Major in 1990. What he meant of course is a society where everyone feels middle class. Both the laird and the nurse would be grocery shopping in Marks and Sparks. Back in the 90s though, if you couldn't afford to buy posh nosh you'd just make stuff from scratch. Now, thanks to the sweeping craze of 'Foodies', making things from scratch has become a middle class hobby. The price of basic ingredients like vegetables has been priced accordingly. "I just really like food" the foodie will tell you. So do all of us dearie, it's just that you can afford it...
Cameron and Osborne's model however is destroying Major's dream. It's very difficult to aspire to be middle class when you have no disposable income. Tax Credits are being cut while the top rate of tax is reduced. Their policies have been deliberately divisive, as if Osborne has drawn a massive line down the middle of the murky class system. If you're on the wrong side that line you're starting to feel the pinch massively, especially if you still feel middle class. Put fuel in your car, heat your home, or eat. It's a choice these days.
Margaret Thatcher's vision of a shareholders' society, where everyone would supposedly have had a right of acquiring private property and participate in its profit seems a distant dream now. The key to the success of such a dream is that by buying your council house and putting a flatscreen TV in it you too can feel middle class. People moved from Mellow Birds to the Cafetiere. The triumph of materialism not only keeps folks feeling prosperous but keeps the economy growing. New Labour carried the same torch, using the stealth welfare concept of tax credits and incentive based spending. Forget the Cafetiere, spend four quid to get a barista to do it.
"In the next ten years we will have to continue to make changes which will make the whole of this country a genuinely classless society." said John Major in 1990. What he meant of course is a society where everyone feels middle class. Both the laird and the nurse would be grocery shopping in Marks and Sparks. Back in the 90s though, if you couldn't afford to buy posh nosh you'd just make stuff from scratch. Now, thanks to the sweeping craze of 'Foodies', making things from scratch has become a middle class hobby. The price of basic ingredients like vegetables has been priced accordingly. "I just really like food" the foodie will tell you. So do all of us dearie, it's just that you can afford it...
Cameron and Osborne's model however is destroying Major's dream. It's very difficult to aspire to be middle class when you have no disposable income. Tax Credits are being cut while the top rate of tax is reduced. Their policies have been deliberately divisive, as if Osborne has drawn a massive line down the middle of the murky class system. If you're on the wrong side that line you're starting to feel the pinch massively, especially if you still feel middle class. Put fuel in your car, heat your home, or eat. It's a choice these days.
Why would they do this? Because countries like Brazil are 'outgrowing' Britain. India, China and Russia too. It is often said that we should 'remain competitive'. But look at these countries we are aspiring to emulate. They have the most unequal distribution of wealth. Their 'middle classes' aren't comfortable, they're loaded. Where is the 'trickle down' of wealth to the Favelas or Western Siberia? Clearly Britain needs to start being careful what it wishes for, especially when it talks about growth. If the majority of people are left behind by the nation's growth, what is the point of it?
The government is tactically daft, because the only people who are going to be happy with it all are the wealthy who are seeing their tax burden fall and opportunities for obscene profits multiplying, or the political extremists who have been calling for class war for decades now. Maybe they know this, and that is why they're also clawing back on democracy. Home secretary Theresa May is very passionate when she talks of the cumbersome Bill of Human rights, or the need for trials to be done in secret. "No one is going to be looking through ordinary people's emails or Facebook posts." she tells us, defending an idea that would give Government complete power to track all forms of digital communication – phone call, text, websites visited and emails – in the UK. But who gets to decide who is ordinary: The foodies, or people who just like food?
"The government has been saying, in a catchy, misleading piece of spin: 'If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear.' This is a demagogue's trick. We do have something to fear - the total loss of privacy to an intrusive state with authoritarian tendencies." John Major 1998
The government is tactically daft, because the only people who are going to be happy with it all are the wealthy who are seeing their tax burden fall and opportunities for obscene profits multiplying, or the political extremists who have been calling for class war for decades now. Maybe they know this, and that is why they're also clawing back on democracy. Home secretary Theresa May is very passionate when she talks of the cumbersome Bill of Human rights, or the need for trials to be done in secret. "No one is going to be looking through ordinary people's emails or Facebook posts." she tells us, defending an idea that would give Government complete power to track all forms of digital communication – phone call, text, websites visited and emails – in the UK. But who gets to decide who is ordinary: The foodies, or people who just like food?
 |
| Civil Libertarian? |
"The government has been saying, in a catchy, misleading piece of spin: 'If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear.' This is a demagogue's trick. We do have something to fear - the total loss of privacy to an intrusive state with authoritarian tendencies." John Major 1998
Saturday, 18 February 2012
The Queen's Ferry
After an incredibly busy summer, and despite being in the middle of all manner of projects and University assignments, we moved to South Queensferry in November.
Saint Margaret of Scotland, star of 11th century reality show The Only Way is Wessex established the place as a ferry port for pilgrims on their way to St Andrews. I don't think the Ferry runs anymore, but it still feels connected to Fife. The Scotmid sells the Dunfermline local paper.
Despite the fact that our time here over the winter has been dominated by Hurricane Bawbag and other extreme weather, I have warmed to the place. We have a lot more room for Artemis to grow into, a garden for her to run about in, and more varied places to walk the dog. The local boozer The Ferry Tap is a great small town pub with basic food and a guest ale, and it shows the football. The commute hasn't been as bad as we feared, although Donna's 6.20am bus on school days is pretty bleak.
One things that has struck me on moving here from Leith is how far behind it is as a community. This may sound overly judgemental, but I just wanted to point out some observations of things that remind me of the Leith I moved to in 1999.
1. Dog Shit. Leith Links, when I first got a dog, was a treacherous mire of scattered poo. Over the last seven or eight years a real dog walking community grew up in and around Leith Links and this provided genuine peer support and pressure on others to clear up after their dog. It has got to the stage where it has become relatively rare to find muck all over your shoe when you get back to the house. (More likely you'll find broken bits of Stella bottle in your dog's paw..)
The Ferry, it seems, has yet to grasp this most basic tenets of community living. Every spare bit of grass is littered with shit, including the playpark and playing field opposite where I live. It's even more infuriating when you have a two year old who loves to run about and go to the swings.
2. Dangerous driving. Leith is still pretty bad for speeding and running lights, especially by those cyclists resplendent in reflective gear who think that their 'green credentials' excuse them from cycling at 20mph along a pedestrain walkway. Queensferry however, takes road safety back to 1999. People haven't yet found their indicators, and the law about using your mobile phone whilst driving doesn't seemed to have reached the town.
3. Fly tipping. There is an ex-railway path that goes from Leith academy to Seafield. It was common to find whole binbags of dirty nappies along this path, along with stolen bicycles, broken bottles, mattresses and the like. Those people, it seems, now dump things in areas of green space in Queensferry. I really can't understand this whatsoever. In the 21st century there is more awareness than ever about the importance of the environment, locally and globally. They even have the luxury of kerbside recycling in the town.
4. Connectivity. More time travel here: Fibre optic cable hasn't yet reached this district of Edinburgh, and neither of us can use our mobile phones in the house.
I'm sure I'll be accused of negative nimby-ism here, but we have no regrets. The view of the bridges, the garden, the lovely high street, the pleasant and approachable neighbours all set it apart from our previous area. Most of all, though, we needed the SPACE.
Saint Margaret of Scotland, star of 11th century reality show The Only Way is Wessex established the place as a ferry port for pilgrims on their way to St Andrews. I don't think the Ferry runs anymore, but it still feels connected to Fife. The Scotmid sells the Dunfermline local paper.
Despite the fact that our time here over the winter has been dominated by Hurricane Bawbag and other extreme weather, I have warmed to the place. We have a lot more room for Artemis to grow into, a garden for her to run about in, and more varied places to walk the dog. The local boozer The Ferry Tap is a great small town pub with basic food and a guest ale, and it shows the football. The commute hasn't been as bad as we feared, although Donna's 6.20am bus on school days is pretty bleak.
One things that has struck me on moving here from Leith is how far behind it is as a community. This may sound overly judgemental, but I just wanted to point out some observations of things that remind me of the Leith I moved to in 1999.
1. Dog Shit. Leith Links, when I first got a dog, was a treacherous mire of scattered poo. Over the last seven or eight years a real dog walking community grew up in and around Leith Links and this provided genuine peer support and pressure on others to clear up after their dog. It has got to the stage where it has become relatively rare to find muck all over your shoe when you get back to the house. (More likely you'll find broken bits of Stella bottle in your dog's paw..)
The Ferry, it seems, has yet to grasp this most basic tenets of community living. Every spare bit of grass is littered with shit, including the playpark and playing field opposite where I live. It's even more infuriating when you have a two year old who loves to run about and go to the swings.2. Dangerous driving. Leith is still pretty bad for speeding and running lights, especially by those cyclists resplendent in reflective gear who think that their 'green credentials' excuse them from cycling at 20mph along a pedestrain walkway. Queensferry however, takes road safety back to 1999. People haven't yet found their indicators, and the law about using your mobile phone whilst driving doesn't seemed to have reached the town.
3. Fly tipping. There is an ex-railway path that goes from Leith academy to Seafield. It was common to find whole binbags of dirty nappies along this path, along with stolen bicycles, broken bottles, mattresses and the like. Those people, it seems, now dump things in areas of green space in Queensferry. I really can't understand this whatsoever. In the 21st century there is more awareness than ever about the importance of the environment, locally and globally. They even have the luxury of kerbside recycling in the town.
4. Connectivity. More time travel here: Fibre optic cable hasn't yet reached this district of Edinburgh, and neither of us can use our mobile phones in the house.
I'm sure I'll be accused of negative nimby-ism here, but we have no regrets. The view of the bridges, the garden, the lovely high street, the pleasant and approachable neighbours all set it apart from our previous area. Most of all, though, we needed the SPACE.
Monday, 23 January 2012
The Language of Opposition- how the Labour Party eats shoots and leaves.
Mehdi Hasan's latest piece in the New Statesman about how Labour consistently allow the Tories set the political agenda through the use of language accurately sums up how I've assessed the Labour party since I stopped flirting with the youth wing of the party in my teenage years.
Stephen Timms, shadow employment minister, appeared on the Today programme supporting the government's idea of a benefit cap. Not only is he accepting the targeted right-wing cuts agenda of this most neoliberal of governments, he's treating Ian Duncan Smith's statement that no 'normal' person would oppose the cuts as a statement of fact. Hasan rightly hauls him over the coals for this. After all, there is a raft of evidence to suggest that child poverty will increase, on top of all the other symptoms of malaise gripping the country.
In the 80s, when Thatcher called them socialists, Kinnock and chums looked nervously about them, shrugged and said 'no we're not'.
In 2002 Peter Mandelson claimed 'We are all Thatcherites now'. This was an example of how the Labour Government had adopted Thatcher's model of a 'strong economic policy' - one that had stemmed from her waving of Friedrich Hayek's 'The Constitution of Liberty' about in the late 70s. In only 22 years the Chicago School economics had gone from forces of reaction to cross-party consensus.
Someone, please give the guardian's Neil Clark a tardis...
The truth is that since the 70s the parliament in which the richest in UK society suffered their worst income growth is that of John Major's government. During the last of the Labour governments, between 04/05 - 09/10, the richest income group actually saw their income rise by more than anyone else in society:
So much for the 'Third Way' then. Turns out it was the 'Same Way'. Certainly the message from Labour now is 'Same Way' and they can't even think of a spinning sound bite to hide it behind. Every time the Conservatives move to the right and claim that they've adopted the centreground of British politics the Labour party dutifully follows.
Stephen Timms, shadow employment minister, appeared on the Today programme supporting the government's idea of a benefit cap. Not only is he accepting the targeted right-wing cuts agenda of this most neoliberal of governments, he's treating Ian Duncan Smith's statement that no 'normal' person would oppose the cuts as a statement of fact. Hasan rightly hauls him over the coals for this. After all, there is a raft of evidence to suggest that child poverty will increase, on top of all the other symptoms of malaise gripping the country.
In the 80s, when Thatcher called them socialists, Kinnock and chums looked nervously about them, shrugged and said 'no we're not'.
In 2002 Peter Mandelson claimed 'We are all Thatcherites now'. This was an example of how the Labour Government had adopted Thatcher's model of a 'strong economic policy' - one that had stemmed from her waving of Friedrich Hayek's 'The Constitution of Liberty' about in the late 70s. In only 22 years the Chicago School economics had gone from forces of reaction to cross-party consensus.
Someone, please give the guardian's Neil Clark a tardis...
The truth is that since the 70s the parliament in which the richest in UK society suffered their worst income growth is that of John Major's government. During the last of the Labour governments, between 04/05 - 09/10, the richest income group actually saw their income rise by more than anyone else in society:
 |
| IFS 2011 |
Timms has every right to be nervous. The poor guy has been stabbed by his own constituents, I'd hate to think what Ed balls said to him after the Today performance. Although Balls himself seems to revert to nervous blinking when faced with an opportunity to attack government policy. Timms even failed to bring up unemployment, which last week rose to its highest level since 1995. As shadow employment secretary that's inexcusable whatever political party you represent - as a Labour front bencher it's ridiculous.
Timms is no stranger to the misuse of English language within the Labour Party though. When not regurgitating Thatcher's rhetoric they've been exemplary at spouting gibberish. He held such glamorous ministerial positions as 'UK competitiveness Minister' and 'Minister for Digital Britain', in which role he allegedly claimed that the 'IP' in IP address stood for intellectual property...
Timms is no fall guy. Neither is appropriately named Balls or media 'darling' Miliband. The whole parliamentary party is at it, and has been since I can remember. Things can only get better? Not if there's absolutely no alternative being offered, they can't...
"One reason I changed the Labour Party is so that we can remain true to our principles." Tony Blair
"Now is not the time for sound-bites. I can feel the hand of history on my shoulder" Tony Blair on the signing of the Good Friday Agreement
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